Paolina Milana, Deborah Lott, and Susan Auerbach

Zoom Link: https://zoom.us/j/95564257594

PAOLINA MILANA, Committed: A Memoir of Madness in the Family

Imagine keeping a family secret about your mother’s mental illness and growing up as one of the offspring charged with “caring for crazy.” Then, to compound the horror, witnessing another version of schizophrenia as it consumes your younger sister – who you practically raised yourself, thanks to your mother’s frailty. To see Paolina Milana as an example of resilience might be the understatement of all time. As a 20-year-old, Paolina escapes her circumstances by attending an out-of-state school, but letter after letter arrives, constantly reminding her of the insanity from which she longs to break free. Making matters worse, the voices in her own head whispering words she’s not sure are normal, further her fears.

But it isn’t until age 27, when her younger sister explodes in a psychotic episode, is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and must be committed, that Paolina descends into her own despair, nearly losing herself to the darkness.

Beautifully written with flourishes of handwritten letters (in Italian) from her parents, recordings of her own inner voices challenging her every move, and a heartbreaking slew of sticky notes revealing the harrowing thoughts of her sister’s delusional mind, Paolina’s epistolary memoir invites readers into her inner circle of intimate encounters with mental illness. Poignant and impactful, Committed is a story of resilience that teaches and inspires, not as a tidy narrative, but as an authentic and rare share that speaks to the struggle of staying sane despite being surrounded by madness.

PAOLINA MILANA is an author, speaker, podcaster, and founder of Magic to Madness. Her mission is to share stories that celebrate the triumph of the human spirit. Milana’s background is rooted in journalism. She moved to the field of PR/media and digital marketing in both corporate and non-profit environments. She is a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) for children in foster care and an empowerment and resiliency coach, using storytelling to help people reimagine their lives and become the heroes of their own journeys. Paolina has won awards for her writing, including her first book, The S Word, which received the National Indie Excellence Award. She lives in Los Angeles.

DEBORAH A. LOTT, Don’t Go Crazy without Me: A Tragicomic Memoir

Don’t Go Crazy Without Me tells the tragicomic coming of age story of a girl who grew up under the seductive sway of her outrageously eccentric father. He taught her how to have fun; he also taught her to fear food poisoning, other children’s infectious diseases, and the contaminating propensities of the world at large. Alienated from her emotionally distant mother, the girl bonded closely with her father and his worldview. When he plunged from neurotic to full-blown psychotic, she nearly followed him. Sanity is not always a choice, but for the sixteen-year-old, decisions had to be made and lines drawn between reality and what her mother called her “overactive imagination.” She would have to give up beliefs carried by the infectious agent of her father’s love.

Saving herself would require an unconventional reading of Moby Dick, sexual pleasure in the body that had confounded her, and entry into the larger world of political activism as a volunteer in Robert F. Kennedy’s Presidential campaign. After attending his last stop at the Ambassador Hotel the night of his assassination, she would come to a new reckoning with loss and with engagement beyond the confines of her family. Ultimately, she would find a way to turn her grief into love.

DEBORAH A. LOTT’s memoirs, essays, and reportage have been published in the Rumpus, Salon, the Alaska Quarterly Review, Bellingham Review, Los Angeles Times, StoryQuarterly, the Good Men Project, the nervous breakdown, and many other places. Her family's legacy of hypochondria was featured on NPR's This American Life. Her first book, In Session: the Bond between Women and their Therapists, offered an unprecedented look at psychotherapy from the perspective of clients interviewed by the author. Her essays have been thrice named as "notables of the year" by Best American Essays. She teaches creative writing and literature at Antioch University, Los Angeles, where she serves as faculty advisor to Two Hawks Quarterly.com. 

SUSAN AUERBACH, Ph.D., I’ll Write Your Name on Every Beach: A Mother’s Quest for Comfort, Courage, and Clarity After Suicide Loss

Auerbach’s book bears witness to the early years of grief after suicide with insights and resources to help others heal. "It is rare to find such an eloquent and powerful work in the suicide grief literature," writes Ronnie Walker of Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors.

Although it deals directly with losing a child, much of the book pertains to grief generally, especially complicated grief after a sudden death, and thus provides comfort to any reader who has lost a close one to suicide or anyone interested in young people struggling with mental health. Organised thematically, it addresses the many issues and stages involved in the grieving process and ends each chapter with a variety of beneficial yoga, breathing and therapy activities. This allows readers to dip in and out of the book, and go at their own pace - replicating the fact that grief is not a linear journey but an iterative one that goes back and forth. This book is a lifeline for anyone struggling to process loss.

SUSAN AUERBACH, Ph.D. is the author of I’ll Write Your Name on Every Beach and the blog Walking the Mourner's Path After a Child's Suicide. A member of the advisory board of Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services Survivors After Suicide, she gives public presentations about suicide prevention, suicide loss, and grief.